New Year's Resolutions for Farmers!


New Year, New Ewe! We take a humorous look at what new years resolutions farmers should be making.

New Year's Resolutions for Farmers!

  • ADDED
  • 16 days ago

New Year, New Ewe! We take a humorous look at what new years resolutions farmers should be making.

New Year, New Ewe!
  • Mart Trips
Let’s get this straight, first off we are not asking you to reduce the number of times you venture to the mart every week, month or for the entire twelve-month period. Sure we couldn’t do that, it would be complete lunacy! We understand how important those weekly chats are and how the gloriously worshipped tea and fry-up from the canteen don’t taste the same when made at home.
However, farmers, when making the weekly pilgrimage to the ‘local’ (Mart, we mean of course), please ensure that you make an effort to come home from the mart with the same number of animals that you left with that morning.
We are not suggesting to return home with the herd’s same four Charolais heifers that departed with you that morning, new additions can be made too, of course, sure variety is the spice!
  • Husbandry & Handling

Instead of calling that young bull or cull cow every name under the sun when it comes to the dreaded loading process, why not try and take a calmer approach?

Make a promise not to fight when loading animals, it isn’t a sparring match you are sparking here!
  • Effing and Blinding
Refrain from the swearing too lads, particularly if you have an assistant stockman or stockwoman on hand. They will not be returning anytime soon to offer their expertise if you lose your temper too much, all over that bloody cow.
One simply cannot load cattle without swearing, says the farmer!
There is also only so many times you can call a lady a female dog before she will realise that you are directing this comment at the two-legged female and not the four-legged ones!
  • Herding
Please give clear, concise and precise instructions to the team when it comes to herding.
Not everyone will understand that the aul’ half-bred bull can be a challenge at times, so you need to stand behind the oak tree, located across from Jim’s house, a quarter of a mile from the bad bend!
We don’t expect a GPS location, but try a little bit better than that!
  • Farming Wardrobe
This year, try and make an effort to keep your farming and going-out clothes and accessories separate!

Men

We know that when it comes to the emergency delivery of a calf or lamb, after you return home from date-night with herself, that you can do nothing except roll-up the sleeves of the expensive Tommy Hilfiger shirts, in order to get ‘stuck in’!
We are sure Mr. Hilfiger didn’t design these high-street fashion pieces for those sort of tasks, five-star hotels maybe!

Women
And women, no shoving calving gloves, scissors or Vet Lube in that expensive Michael Kors handbags of yours. It is for the lippy and compact mirror, not for an emergency birthing!

  • Mart Enthusiasts
Try and shy away from the idea of wearing the same mart clothes out. Yes, we agree you look the real deal with the flashy checked shirt, flashy Super Hamptons and quilted jacket, but cattle dung and the smell of silage will never be overpowered by any aftershave, no matter if it cost you the price of a continental suck-calf! Have a backup pair of everything is our advice!
  • Be Socialable
So we don’t expect you to be clocking in and out of the farm at a particular hour, sure at the end of the day the cows are the boss, but try and make more time for family! Even if it means to throw yourself in front of the TV for an hour for a reality television show, or alively chat while indulging a home-produced roast, all of those activities fit the bill. If you manage to squeeze in a holiday too, we would recommend it, brush up on the farmers’ tan, better than the bottle!
  • Preparation
When the feet are out and she’s stuck at the hips, that is not the time to search for calving ropes, the jack or lube.
This year, try to ensure that you have all of these vital pieces of calving equipment stored in a particular section of the shed, or at least put the calving ropes in a safe place. No that does not mean to tie those two main entrance gates together, with the famous, sole pair of ropes!

When you have the calving equipment sorted to a satisfactory level, then progress on to dosing, animal remedies, the whole job lot, while you’re at it. Baby steps!
  • Paperwork & Documentation Organisation
Try and make an effort to keep all your documentation in one place and up-to-date, if at all possible. Let those long rainy nights be a time to perch beside the warm-lit fire to flick through those mart dockets.
There is nothing worse than mountains of A4 papers to be attended to, in a short period of time.
Of if you’re like me in recent months, allocate a section of your home or an exterior office for all farm documents. It’s not easy being an organised farmer, we know the story.

  • Social Media & Technology
After successfully mastering online calf registrations, a lot of farmers seem to think it is okay to stop here! It’s not, you can become a little braver and bolder!
A lot of the older stock, question if we will ever get the young guns weaned off technology. The young lads and lassies are praying that the auld dogs will learn new tricks and get themselves a smartphone instead of that big block.
If you are a man or woman of the land and haven’t an ounce of interest in the aul’ Snapchatting, sure why get yourself into a bit of Twittering or Facebooking for the New Year! Land yourself in the world of the unknown and explore. You might even find a new use for that aul’ piece of thrash, thrown in the yard. The web is the world of the unknown.

Why not keep up-to-date with farming news too!

iPhone
Play Store

That’s a wrap! Best of luck farming followers!

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Friday

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Saturday

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  • Enniscorthy (2nd Wednesday Of Month)

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Saturday

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Thursday

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